Hey, lil 11-year old self, it’s me. I’m the 42-year old version of us. I can see you there in the confusion – afraid of what our future holds.
You are so handsome.
Soon, you’ll feel she lied to us and broke her promise of forever. Your heart will be heavy, and you’ll stop believing in love. Please – hold on. Don’t let doubt consume us. I’m with you.
There’s something I need to tell you, and you need to be strong. She is dying of cancer. She won’t make it till our twelfth birthday. But there’s something else. You hold a decision – one that will shape the rest of our lives.
Ma’ma has a reason for not telling us. You’ll understand some day. She’s trying to protect us from the pain of knowing, and she can’t afford to spend the little time she has left trying to make us understand. Lil self, she can’t look you in the eye and say she has to break her promise of forever. She’ll never have the nerve. But, she’ll love us until that day.
Everything ma’ma ever said was true. She loved us for her forever. She loved us to her dying breath.
After she is gone, you will lose your light and begin to doubt everything about love. You’ll sink into a world of hurt. I’m writing to warn you. You have to be strong, even when you feel the world is against us and giving up is the only way. Share the hurt with anyone who will listen, as often as possible.
Stay respectful to our grandmother and be patient with our brother. Stay focused in school and never stop learning. Surround us with people who desire peace, love, education, freedom, friendship, home – and those who cherish the moment. We must find out who God truly is and why we are here. What is our purpose, and can we find it?
Lil self, I love you and need you to trust me about this pivotal moment. Your decision is yours to make, but it will affect every version of us. I won’t tell you anymore about our life, other than what I have already said, but know this – no matter what you decide to do in that moment, I have always loved you and always will.
Sincerely,
Your Older Self…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR. Bobbie George is not only a talented writer, he has also worked training service dogs during his incarceration.
He’s spent over two decades in prison, but still lives every day trying to be the ‘best version of himself’. He can be contacted at:
Bobbie George #243589
Ionia Correctional Facility
1576 W. Bluewater Hwy.
Ionia, MI 48846
