The Center

“Man, fuck Wilbert…  he can’t tell me what to do.  He ain’t my mutha-fuckin’ daddy.”

That was a recurring phrase I heard about the director at the local community center, kids fuming over rules and regulations and a man dead-set on enforcing them.

I first heard of Wilbert over monkey bar banter during recess at elementary school, dissenting conversations about fun and rules that turned into a tug-of-war of words.  I heard enough to know I wanted to know more about the man who could inspire such joy while rousing such fury.  The next day, I walked home from school, giddy with anticipation as we made our way to the Center.

The Reid Street Community Center was everything I had hoped for.  Everything I dreamed.  Their basketball courts were indoors and had polished wood.  In the projects where I lived, there was only dirt.  There were billiards in the game room, air hockey and puzzles.   A dance studio with full-length mirrors.  Vending machines and a playground.  A kitchen.  A pool.  Arts and crafts.  Oh, yeah… and Wilbert.

He came in well short of his reputation which was prominent enough to be a titan, though he towered over the heads of onrushing kids as they poured through the doors of the Center.  His skin tone was dark, rich and as appealing as cocoa on a winter morning.  He was clean-shaven with a trimmed moustache that made him approachable while his steady glare gave me pause.  His fitted tee showed off bulging biceps, his warm-ups and sneakers making him look the part of a bona fide athlete in search of the competition.  I held my breath along with my opinion as I breezed by him, seemingly unnoticed.  It would be my first day in a place that would become a second home.

Wilbert turned out to be a cool guy – not some half angel/demon to which I presumed.  He was laid back, even when he was engaging kids and their activities.  His voice was mellow and well composed. Sure, there were rules plastered on almost every wall throughout the Center, but it’s not like he used them to browbeat us into submission.  Wilbert was as stern as he needed to be to teach us kids discipline and self-respect; a purpose well-served since many of us had no one else. 

The Reid Street Community Center sat in one of the most impoverished neighborhoods in town, where lack of resources often included a lapse in effective parenting.  Kids from broken homes with single, working-class, mothers and absentee fathers were those who most frequented the Center.  Many of them were unruly by cause-and-effect and didn’t give a damn about following the rules.   But where some home-life offered negligence and abuse, the Center was a sanctuary.

Wilbert wasn’t just the activity coordinator, he was also a mentor to troubled kids. His goal was to tap into the potential of every kid there and draw out our self-worth.  Sometimes it meant giving someone the boot for flagrant or repeated offenses, though the ban seldom lasted more than a day since Wilbert was exceptionally forgiving.

There were other staff members that helped out around the Center, counseling and facilitating events and proving their devotion to the cause. As such, Wilbert could often be seen in his office toiling over paperwork as he figured out how to keep the place running, yet he left his door open, always willing to stop in the middle of budget cuts to make himself available to talk.

He was the Center’s little league football coach, the basketball referee and also the swimming instructor.  He hosted Friday night dances in an effort to raise money for the equipment.  He showed up on rainy days, worked long after hours and drove the kids home when they were running late for curfew.  And yeah… he caught some flak at times for being strict when enforcing the rules, but it was only because he held us to high standards.  Still, no matter how many times the kids cussed him out and spewed their harsh opinions about Wilbert, he was always there for them the next day.

Wilbert went on to effect many lives with his work at the Community Center, a feat that was sure to offer its share of challenges. The building was marred by paint chips and broken windows, the equipment was rickety and threadbare.  Bullies and other misfits came around at times and turned the grounds into a battle field.  And with the Center serving as a hub for every urban kid in the surrounding neighborhoods, too often it was understaffed.  Yet Wilbert was the driving spirit that kept that place alive, his devotion the keys to the door.  It was his very stance on the policies and his unwillingness to compromise that made many of us kids feel safe.  Sometimes I would wonder how much he would take before he up and left us, but as it turned out, Wilbert was already home.  And he was never out to try to be anyone’s ‘daddy’…  No, Wilbert was determined to do better.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. His unique writing style is in a league of its own. He is gifted.
He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.
He wrote this essay in response to our recent contest, which he couldn’t enter due to his position on the Board. He’s a man who goes the extra mile even when he doesn’t have to.

Terry continues to work on his memoirs, as well as a book of fiction, and he can be contacted at (Please Note, this is a change of address, as NC has revised the way those in prison receive mail):
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131

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the inheritance

my father told me a story once
it was only one of a few… you see
he was a stranger
a deadbeat i barely knew… anyway
he ran me out the front door
into a ghetto summer outside
his little duplex was a waste of space
on chicago’s black southside
he pointed up forest avenue
like a man waving a gun
squinting at some invisible foe
escaping on the run
“your grandpa stood right here,” he said
“in a wife beater stained with paint
“he shouted to that midnight burglar
“I may be drunk, but I sho’ shoot straight”
he laughed and slapped my back
he doubled over to wheeze
then he stood up clutching his belly
reminiscing his fond memory
the ghetto sun faded
to a dark, blackish hue
my grandpa died a dirty drunk
and so will the father i barely knew
the inheritance

ABOUT THE AUTHOR. I am forever impressed by the people who contact WITS. Phillip Smith is no exception, and that is because after reading about his many accomplishments, and listening to him on youtube regarding a bill he has authored, NC HB 697, advocating for others, I know I would be hard pressed to do all he has done with so few resources. I hope we get to hear more from him, and I am excited to see all he accomplishes.

Mr. Smith can be contacted at:
Phillip Vance Smith, II #0643656
Nash Correctional Institution
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131

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Contest Prompt – Grace

Recently, I was thrilled to see a post in social media regarding a successful model of a corrections facility in Nebraska intended to give women a safe and structured place to prepare to reenter society.  The post was accompanied by a photo of a lobby that was clean, comfortable and modern looking.  There was art on the walls.  There was a photo of a cafeteria with typical cafeteria furniture, long tables and standard stools, but there was artwork and it appeared very clean and painted in a soft blue – nothing fancy, but certainly a nice place to eat. The description spoke of an area outside for children to play, how the facility encouraged interaction between those that lived there and their supporters on the outside, as well as classrooms.  There were several positive comments after mine, and then there was this one –

 “Wow, nicer than a lot of homes in Lincoln.  Guess they deserve that?”

And that is the inspiration for our writing contest.  NOT who deserves what.  We won’t waste time trying to figure out who deserves what.  Rather…

PROMPT:   Have you ever received or witnessed someone else receive ‘grace’ – unmerited mercy and compassion – and how did that impact you or them? 

My best bit of advice for any entry – remember the prompt.  There are a lot of ways to approach it, as long as the prompt is the focus, your entry will be considered.

Only those who are incarcerated are eligible to participate. 

We can’t accept anything that has been previously published.

Submission is free – BUT, even if an entry doesn’t win, we consider entry permission to publish and edit.  Sometimes we get so many excellent entries, they can’t all win, but they need to be shared.

Entries should be 1,000 words or less.  Poetry is considered, as long as it is inspired by the prompt.

Submissions can be handwritten.

As done in our previous contests, I will narrow down the entries to the top ten, and then hand them off to individuals to rate the writing with a point system to determine winners.

PRIZES: 

First Place:  $75
Second Place:  $50
Third Place:  $25

DEADLINE:  December 31, 2021.  Decisions will be posted on or before January 31, 2022.

MAILING ADDRESS:

Walk In Those Shoes
Writing Contest Entry
P.O. Box 70092
Henrico, Virginia  23255

FOOTNOTE:  WITS was inspired, in part, by the story of a boy named Jamycheal Mitchell.  He stole some food – snacks – a haul of $5.05.  He was mentally ill, but rather than being transferred to a facility that could help him after his arrest, he was left in a jail in Virginia to essentially starve to death.  He was just 24 years old when he was arrested.  He was dead several months later.  ‘Wasting’ is a word used in his cause of death. In the months it took him to die, I wonder if anyone who passed by him wondered if he ‘deserved’ that. 

Deserve?  What does anybody deserve and how different would our world be if nobody spent time worrying if anyone else received compassion – whether they ‘deserve’ it or not? 

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The Kiss I’ll Never Forget

I will never forget August 30, 2006.  I was on A-pod, occupying B-dayroom’s recreational section, nexus to Death Watch on Texas Death Row.  It was after 5:30 p.m. and visitation was over, so I headed toward the front of the dayroom, hoping to catch a guy I affectionately called RoadDawg.  His real name was Derrick Frazier, but many knew him as Hasan.  Before that, he was Castro – like Fidel, Cuba’s former dictator.

Hasan never knew his father.  His mother left when he was fifteen, weeks later to be found dead of a drug overdose.  He had an abusive stepfather.  Eventually, Hasan grew tired of the abuse and ran away.  He began living in the streets and soon after was adopted by Crip gang members. Becoming a new member meant he had to get a new name, and that’s how Castro was born.

I didn’t meet Castro until after he arrived on Texas Death Row.  It was then that he denounced his gang, took up religion and became a Muslim.  He studied the religion relentlessly, renaming himself Hasan and following the ways of Islam.  He founded two newsletters – Operation L.I.F.E. and the Texas Chapter of the Human Rights Coalition, and that is how I came to know him.  Hasan took his money from that and practiced ‘zakat’ towards his fellow death row inmates, no matter what race or religion.  If you didn’t have, he gave clandestinely.

When he told me he had received an execution date, he said it as if he was telling me the score to a football game that I had missed, there was no emotion – at least, none on the outside.  He told me he was going to unroll his mat and pray… and he did.

Hasan had a friend from Canada that was seeing him through visits. He even had her visit me. He was visiting with her on August 30, 2006, as I stood in the dayroom waiting to get a glimpse of him, to somehow communicate my solidarity through a look I planned on giving him.  Shortly after 5:30 that evening he came walking through the door, looking like a king who stared down adversaries without an ounce of fear.  He hadn’t noticed me, so I called out to him. Robotically, he turned my way, and seeing me, broke free from the escorting officers’ grips and started my way.  He was handcuffed, and the guards didn’t stop him.  I had no idea what I was going to do, but I stuck my hands out of the bars and gave him a hug.  He began to cry, tears that fell rapidly, knowing time was running out.

Then he kissed my left cheek, whispering into my ear, “RoadDawg, do me a favor.  You have the best chance of any of us here.  Get free.  Go home. Don’t let these folks win.  Promise me!”

I told him nothing.  Not that I didn’t want to.  I was still shocked he kissed me, and at the same time the guards started calling his name and came to retrieve him to bring him into the ‘death watch’ cell.  It all happened so fast, words eluded me, and I watched my friend walk off.

That night I was standing in the door of my cell, all the lights off on the pod, when I became aware of something I was seeing.  If I looked at the pod’s control picket that is made of glass, I could see the reflection of all the cells on death watch, and I turned my attention to #8 cell, which held Hasan. There he was, standing in the door with his light on.  His light was on.  Mine was off.  I watched him for a few hours.  He didn’t move once.  Through the years I wondered what he was looking at. Was he soaking in his last hours of life as he looked out in the dark jungle of iron bars and steel gates?  Trying to understand how he came to his final moments? Was he waiting and hoping for a miracle?  Or was he wondering what was I doing standing in my cell’s door in the dark?  Did he see me?  Eventually, I went to lay down.  I said a prayer for my friend and would get up to come to the door every so often only to see him still standing there.

Hasan left at 7:40 a.m. for his last few hours of visitation with his friend from Canada.  I also was told that an aunt came to see him.  He never came back.

When they pronounced him dead a little after 6:30 that evening, I cried, unconsciously holding the cheek he’d kissed.  My friend was the epitome of change, strength, and courage.  I will never forget that about him.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.  Charles “Chucky” Mamou is the first place winner of our most recent writing contest. Although a long-time writer for WITS, he rarely enters our contests. I’m glad he did.
Mr. Mamou has always maintained his innocence, and after extensive research into his case, WITS actively advocates for him. If you would like to know more about his case and sign a letter requesting an investigation, please add your name to his petition.

Charles Mamou can be contacted at:
Charles Mamou #999333
Polunsky Unit 12-CD-53
3872 South FM 350
Livingston, TX 77351

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The Air You Breath

When my ex-wife sent me divorce papers, it was a hard day.  I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in more than three years, and I was hurt she had broken her promise before God.  But I came to understand… eventually.  I was unable to free myself from this hell after nine years of marriage.  I’m happy to have been touched by that woman, to have breathed that air.  I can’t be mad.

Food, water and touch – I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or what your socio-economic status might be, those are vital to living.  Time in prison is meant to deprive you of touch, being loved.  It’s meant to cut others off from confirming your worth and value despite your faults.

I first started getting locked up when I was about twelve.  Truancy was a crime that they put kids in a cage for.  Back then it was my grandmother’s touch that mattered, her showing up to say, “That one over there?  You can’t have him!  I want him back!”  Value.  Worth was set.

I didn’t know what it was to condition someone back then, purgatory.  It wasn’t until I had served three and a half years on twenty-three hour a day lockdown, one hour out per day, and found myself adapting that I panicked.  I was a mess when I got out. I still have trouble being in large crowds.  I had to go to Toastmasters to regain the confidence of speech.  To this day, my reactions to conflict tend too violent at first blush.  It’s hard to shake years of depression and the ‘you ain’t worth shit!’ mentality of ‘fuck it!’ after that much time of having no contact with anyone.  I’ve gone up to ten years without family or friends, without touch.

I’ve lived most of my life on lockdown, over more than twenty years total. It’s done things to my mind and spirit, killed parts of me in an isolated cage, witnessed only by God and myself.  Vital pieces of me the young man didn’t know that the old man would need, the two of us at war over what shape or form my soul, my person, would eventually be.  Deprivation of touch is an old slavery tool, tried and true, meant to reshape the human spirit.  

It’s a hell of a thing to question your worth because of conditions, situations and an environment designed to deprive you of an affirming touch.   People are paid to make this happen? 

I’m guilty, you say?  I agree, I am.  I’m also remorseful, grateful, humbled, able and flawed.  I’m broken but not destroyed, and I’m worthy of more than judgment and fear.  I’m so much more than guilty.  I’m a man in need of a woman’s touch.

Many who are far more eloquent than I have written about the power of contact and connection, but I’ve been curled up on my bunk in tears for lack of her.  That need has broken my heart in a hundred ways, as I call out to God for her touch, only to curse Him for not moving fast enough!  I’ve had a thousand conversations designed to return love to her, only to hear myself speaking out loud to no one I’ve ever met or knew to be real, a conversation based on a freedom that may never be returned to me, that I may never recapture.

A product of this battle is an intense focus on myself to the exclusion of others, withdrawing into my own pain and rejection, knowing to touch or be touched by another comes at a great risk, much like a child punished for his love of candy bars to the point that he fears the glorious taste of chocolate.  A man adrift in a sea, fearing the dry, sandy shore will not return his feet once they are covered. 

Just as fear and desperation are the greatest of motivators, hope and desire are the coinage used to barter passage from the what was of yesterday to the dream board of tomorrow, and all you have to build on is the now – this moment of contact, of being touched.

I met her through a friend, by all accounts a beautiful soul, person and woman.  Brave and courageous beyond believe, she flung herself forward with an open heart, one broken by some who were forever cutting the wheel in a game of chicken when she has always too much of a woman to bluff.  Then, as such stories go, she’d blame herself for not being enough.  It’s crazy the way the brave are willing to carry the faults of others as their own, despite the facts.  

Loneliness?  Depression?  Sure, we’ve both seen those, but as long as I’m 100% the man in her life and she fills mine to the brim with her touch, we’ll change the quality of the air in this hell we find ourselves in. 

Is it enough to simply survive the hardships of life?  My world is a place of hot ash and fire, metal and concrete.  The real danger for her is that I’ll never see freedom.  She could spend the rest of her life sharing breath with a man she can never reach out to in the middle of the night.  But do I be the man she needs in her life, tempt her, only to then reject her in the name of sparing her the ‘possibility’ of future pain?  At the expense of her touch in my life?  Is that a noble sacrifice or me fearing the sand won’t give my feet back?

Everything in life should be insurable!  There are too few guarantees in this world.  Identify who you like and need, and fight longer and harder than anyone else for who you must have.   Give your all to see that someone grow and prosper, as they tend the same garden in your life.  This is how you wed to someone, know and become known by someone. Shared contact. Touch.

Sharing dark moments of my life on paper gives someone else permission that was never needed to clench their fist or soften their hearts – or both.  For some, its teeth and claws, for others, its writs and laws, maybe a business plan, but for yet others – it’s a helping hand to one not your kind, color or even your friend, because trouble is a promise and nobody gets it right every time.

ABOUT THE WRITER.  DeLaine Jones has, once again, risen to the occasion. He his our second place writing contest winner. He is a great talent, and we are honored to be able to share his work here. As always – I look forward to hearing from him again.

Mr. Jones has served 32 years for a crime he committed when he was seventeen years old, a juvenile. He can be contacted at:

DeLaine Jones #7623482
82911 Beach Access Road
Umatilla, OR 97882

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My Pen Pal

‘White privilege’ was something she admits she had her entire life, but she didn’t realize it until a few years ago, not until all the movements that took place to bring attention to mistreatment of black and brown people.  She wanted to help, do something, speak up and fight for the voiceless and those whose voices were heard – but ignored.  She wanted to get involved, but she didn’t know where to begin or how to start her journey.

She didn’t have to, but she took the initiative to take the first step.  She reached out to a church that connects inmates with positive people on the outside willing to get to know them without judgment, and eventually she became my penpal. 

She had found a passion for change, and she shared that with those she knew, though many didn’t understand or support her. Everyone thought she was crazy for wanting to help people in prison, but she still reached out to me, determined to put light on what she saw as an unfair justice system that often sees guilt in the color of your skin. 

She took the time to read about my case and the fifteen to thirty year sentence I was given for aiding and abetting, for being present when a crime took place, but not actually participating in a crime.   She didn’t have to, but she chose to speak up and help fight for my freedom – or at least bring attention to it.   She posted on social media sites and talked to advocates about my story.  People she knew were embarrassed that she posted about me and knew people in prison.  The people closest to her were against her, but she didn’t give up on me. 

It was the first time in nine years of incarceration I felt hope again and believed someone cared even without actually ‘knowing’ me.  She helped me to fight for my life and file appeals again even though I had already given up.  She could have lost people close to her, but she stood up for something, against all odds, and showed true grit. 

I ended up getting my federal appeal approved, and my penpal will forever have had an impact on my life.

ABOUT THE WRITER. Mr. Nero is our third place writing contest winner. This is only our second post by Tevin, and I am really glad to see him here for the contest. He wrote exactly to the prompt, and it does take a lot of courage and grit to stand true to your convictions when your peers see things differently. Curiosity had me look up his case – and I have to agree with his penpal. It was a very harsh sentence.

Tevin Nero can be contacted at:
Tevin Nero #792000
Alger Correctional Facility
N6141 Industrial Park Drive
Munising, MI 49862

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September Book Club Selection

We just finished up The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig.  Overall, we felt it was an easy read, entertaining, but a little predictable.  One member compared it to his all-time favorite movie, It’s A Wonderful Life. 

This was also the third book read by our newly formed club.  If anyone wants to join us, the book we just ordered is I Am Pilgrim, by Terry Hayes, chosen by a member, as are all the books.  We will be rating all future books on a five-star scale. 

If you would like to read along and forward your thoughts on I Am Pilgrim to the club, feel free to send me messages here.  I will pass them along to the group. 

Happy Reading!
NC Book Club

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The World?!

“We are all that we’ve got!  If I don’t do for you, who else will?  The world?  They wouldn’t piss down your throat if your guts were on fire!” 

Those were words my normally silent maternal grandmother lived by.    I’ve oft sat in my cell and wondered at the cruelty – the experiences – she must have endured.  What had been done to that sweet southern girl to bring such a harsh reality?  And had those deeds matriculated into the truths that colored my thoughts and actions, the reality of my life thus far?  If you are what you eat – how about what you’re fed?

My grandmother didn’t give birth to my uncles Benni and Squeaky (Victor and Richard, respectfully), but she raised, loved, fed, nursed, and fought for them, just as she did her own.  They slept in the same beds, bathed in the same tubs, were hugged by the same arms, but I imagine it was tough for them.  Their birth mom was a heroin addict who couldn’t care for them but for her addiction.  Their father was the father of five of my grandmother’s eleven children.

Now, my Uncle Benni was slightly ‘swish’ in his gayness.  He was called ‘Benni’ after the classic Sir Elton John song, Bennie and the Jets.  Growing up, he was more apt to be found with his sisters doing each other’s hair rather than running with his brothers.  It was braids, barrettes, and clothes verses bats, balls and the hustle of the streets with brothers who clowned, taunted, jeered, and refused to show love.

“We are all that we’ve got!”

I always loved my Unc.  Yeah, he was gay, a bad thing from the way it was thrown in his face, but I didn’t know what that was.  All I knew was that he loved us and paid attention to us.  I remember once seeing the flash of anger in his eyes upon realizing we hadn’t been anywhere since the last time we saw him – five and a half months earlier.

He grabbed a newspaper and in a flurry of ironing, braiding, and cocoa butter, we were off on some adventure – the movies, a radio sponsored jam session in a far away park, the carnival, the swap meet.  Hot lines, jojo fries, cold cream sodas!

I was still just a short stack when my lil’ sister and I heard the knock at the front door at 2 a.m. one night.  We were still young enough to share a bed.  Then we heard the familiar voice that had us out of that bed in a flash!  Looking in the window, my Uncle Benni told us to open the door.  Seeing him through the window, we didn’t bother to turn on the lights in our excitement, and when we opened the door, there was snow on the ground and the air was sharp.   My grandmother sharply asked who we’d let in her house at that hour, and Unc answered to keep us out of trouble.

“It’s just Benni, Mommy, I lost my key,” he slurred by way of explanation.

We didn’t care that he was drunk.  He often came home that way. Benni’s lifestyle saw him in a lot of bars and gay clubs.  He was a performer.  He used to dress up like Diana Ross and sing in shows.  Us kids had found photos in the single bag that he kept in an upstairs closet as if it were his refusal to give up on a people who didn’t really want him around – not the gay version.

So, he lived his life mostly apart from us.  We had no idea where or how he lived, other than the shows, no idea who his friends or loves were.  We just knew he could vogue and dance his ass off.

“If we don’t do for each other, who else will?”

My sister and I took him by the hands and guided him up the stairs in the dark, where he changed into his floral muumuu and climbed into our bed.  Just as he’d shown up without warning, Unc often left in the same fashion, so we always wanted to keep him close.  The rank alcohol smell was a price we’d pay, willingly just to keep the magic of him near.

But when the two of us climbed into bed next to his already sleeping form, it was wet!  Was he so drunk he’d peed the bed?!  Finally, we turned on the lights in the room and were greeted by the horror of blood!  There were pools of it where he’d stood and sat, hand prints on walls and dressers where he’d braced himself.  Blood pooled around his still body and made the thin gown stick to his slender frame.

We tried to wake him, but he was far beyond our childish ability to help or revive him.  We didn’t know what it was to be gay, or why it was bad, but we’d seen people die before.  Uncle Benni was dying.

“The world!?  The world don’t give a damn about you.  They wouldn’t piss down your throat if your guts were on fire!”

It seems that two guys accosted him outside of a gay bar with large knives, thinking that intoxication and queer equaled soft, easy money.  They call it ‘rolling fags’.  They were wrong.  Benni still had a bloody bottle opener in his pocket and a blood soaked wad of cash, two hundred and eighty some odd dollars.   You see, he’d promised my sister and I that he’d take us to the carnival on the waterfront and didn’t want to let us down.

He came home from the hospital with bandages everywhere and more than three hundred stitches.  My grandmother had his brothers place him on a couch she’d made up for him in the living room.  She walked him to the bath when he needed, changed his bandages, and took care of him like he was who he was – her child. 

My other uncles were proud of him, and I noticed that their jokes included him after that.  Things had changed.  The rest of the family could see that there was more – a lot more – than being gay to the loved one lying on the couch all cut up.  It’s a shame he had to be cut open that bad for them to see what was inside, how special he was to us.

Victor ‘Benni’ Deloney would pass away in his sleep from pneumonia in a room full of family and friends, none of which ever knew him.  I got this time and never got the chance to say good-bye.  I have no idea just where his spirit is today, but I promise that he’s putting on one hell of a show.

I also have no idea why we, with all our flaws, sins and contradictions, are so quick to place conditions and labels on those we set out to love, as though who someone else is constitutes an attack on us.  My glory and my sins are my own.

I don’t think my uncle Benni was looking for agreement when he would stay away for so long, alone in the world.  I remember the force of his smile on that couch.  He loved his family who loved him back, at least on that day.  No, I think he stayed away looking for clan, kin, la familia.  He tramped home on that cold winter’s night so he could die among his people because we were all he had.  I was happy we could all be there for him.  If not us, then who?   I just hope we were enough, that he knew he was more than that for my sister and me. 

ABOUT THE WRITER.  Mr. Jones has never sent in anything I didn’t truly love, his talent evident in everything he writes. I hope he compiles all of his memories into a book one day – I would buy it. He paints pictures with his words, sharing his life like an open book. I always look forward to the next piece of mail with his name on it .

Mr. Jones has served 32 years for a crime he committed when he was seventeen years old, a juvenile. He can be contacted at:

DeLaine Jones #7623482
82911 Beach Access Road
Umatilla, OR 97882

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No Winners Here

My grandmother died a day after my quick conviction.
“She saw you on TV after you were sentenced to death and she died.  You killed her by breaking her heart.” 
I got hate mail from my own flesh and blood after my conviction.  – Charles Mamou

Charles Mamou’s family was divided, according to Mamou, half quickly disowning him and wishing he were dead.

But, what did they know, really?  They knew the same thing I did when I first looked up articles on Charles Mamou, a new writer for WITS, what the prosecution wanted them to know – what the jury, the defense, and the media heard.  I read various versions of a brutal, lone murderer who sexually assaulted a girl before killing her in an abandoned house.  It wasn’t a wonder he got hate mail. I’d learned to look past the headlines, things not always as they seem.

After reading the transcripts, I got a slightly clearer picture.  As the prosecution’s story goes, Charles Mamou went on a killing rampage sparked by a drug deal gone wrong, drove off with the victim, sexually assaulted her, and murdered her in a very hard to find backyard in Houston – a city he didn’t live in.   All the other individuals involved in the drug deal, all residents of Houston, slept after the initial drug deal and knew nothing, a couple of them testifying for the state…

So – I looked even closer.  If it were a card game, there would be money on the table, not a life, and some would say the deck was ‘stacked’. It turns out, the state had information that not only could have supported Charles Mamou’s claims of innocence, but the information could have also led to finding out what really took place that night.  Evidence that existed all along and more recent interviews reveal a few things.  The state had a list of phone calls that were made that night.  All of the callers in those records, the individuals involved in the drug deal, from the ‘cooker’, to the driver, to the introducer, were not sleeping that night according to their phones.  Not only  that, recent interviews put them all in the parking lot of Howard Scott’s apartment that night, along with Charles Mamou – who was supposed to be off on a lone sexual assault and murder.  If Charles Mamou was in the parking lot along with the car he was driving – so was the victim.  Which is what Charles Mamou has always asserted – that he fled the drug deal gone wrong and drove back to Howard Scott’s apartment complex.

In the absence of shared information, the existing phone records, witnesses were not called to testify, and those who were called testified they were sleeping – even though the state knew their phones were in use. Does an attorney have an obligation to bring it to the attention of the court or his witness when they are not telling the truth and the attorney is aware of it?

Phone calls that should have been traced, never were – no one will ever know where the calls were placed from.   They could have been dialed from the backyard where the body was found.  They could have been placed from anywhere in Texas.  The calls would have certainly helped determine what happened that night.  The callers never had to answer questions about where they were when they placed the calls.   The owner of the phone line they called – never had to explain who was calling and what they said.   The man whose phone was receiving the calls testified for the state, saying he was asleep and his phone was not ringing.  Regardless of records indicating that was not true, the state’s witness was never corrected by the prosecutor.  No one questioned why his phone was ringing until 3:43 a.m. the night the victim was murdered and why one phone call went out at 3:59 a.m. requesting a cab – yet the state had information these calls took place.

One of the callers to the home did the same, testifying for the state and saying he went home to bed that night and didn’t use his phone.  The witness and driver in the drug deal did not have to explain why his cell phone dialed Howard Scott’s apartment at 2:37 a.m. or where he was at when the call was made.  Rather, he testified he had went to bed. 

The other callers on the record never even had to step foot in a courtroom. They were never called by either side.  But, all the callers were up and about that night, not sleeping, and witnesses have since said they saw all the callers in one parking lot that night – Howard Scott’s parking lot.

It isn’t surprising the jury came back with a guilty verdict, no more surprising than it would be in a poker game with no aces in the cards dealt to the other players, but rather held in the dealer’s hand.  Charles Mamou certainly looked the part, he was a drug dealer.  Just in case though, they hung on to one more card.  The sexual assault.  While fighting for the death penalty, the prosecution called him ‘vicious’, ‘ruthless’, and ‘cold-blooded’.  The jury was told he ‘devastated and destroyed’, that he ‘marches her to the back, and he makes her commit oral sodomy, makes her suck his penis.  Imagine that, ladies and gentleman’. 

While saying those words to the jury the prosecution knew not only about the phone records that could have been used to defend Mamou, they also knew something else.  There was a rape kit collected from the body along with trace evidence, and that kit was collected by the medical examiner who did not make one note of it in his autopsy report.  He also did not breathe one word of it in his testimony.  The prosecutor’s office not only knew about the collection of the evidence, they requested that it be processed and they had received the results.  The results indicated there was ‘no semen found’.   In addition to that, trace evidence was collected that Mamou never knew about.  For two decades – he never knew.  Neither did the jury, or his family, or the victim’s family.

There is no nice way to say it.  The state had information that not only could have supported Charles Mamou’s claims of innocence, but the information could have also led to finding out what happened that night.  Evidence and interviews that have since taken place tell us a few things. All of the callers in those records were not sleeping that night.  Recent interviews put them all in the parking lot of Howard Scott’s apartment, along with Charles Mamou – who was supposed to be off on a lone sexual assault and murder.  Involved parties, according to the phone records, were not called to testify, and those who did testified they were sleeping – regardless of what the state knew.

Charles Mamou absorbed the anger for the loss of his grandmother.  He had no other choice.  Since his conviction, he has been living in a 9 x 6 cell in solitary confinement.  No one sees his tears.  No one can measure his depression.  People have moved on with their lives, his children have been raised, his grandchildren don’t know him.  As it stands now, he will be executed.  His appeals are exhausted, he is waiting on a date, and if his parents are still alive when it comes, they will watch their son be belted down to a table as poison gets pumped into his veins and he takes his final breath. Is that the justice we should be shooting for?

Many anti-death penalty activists find their stance not because they are necessarily opposed to the death penalty.  They base their stance on the knowledge the deck sometimes gets stacked.  Not every prosecutor is as interested in finding out exactly what happened as they are in securing a win.  If anyone wanted to know what happened to the victim twenty years ago, those phone calls would have been traced. The individuals making the calls would have been interviewed, their stories documented, statements taken and compared.  It defies logic to even try and argue differently, to suggest those individuals not be interviewed and those calls not be traced. A girl was murdered – every stone should have been turned over to find out what happened. Instead – nothing.  There is not one recorded interview with two of those callers that night, both of whom are said to have been in the parking lot, and one of who’s name is recorded as being the caller for a cab from Howard Scott’s apartment at 3:59 a.m.  Yet – not one interview with him or the other individual calling the apartment and seen in the parking lot that night.  As a matter of fact, Howard Scott’s first interview with police that was performed on the first day he was transported to HPD – is not in any file. It does not exist. I was told, “Not everything makes it into the file.”

What could have been discovered if, in 1999, this case had been investigated and the phone records and physical evidence shared?  Where were the phone calls made from?  What would the callers have said about what they were doing that night had they been asked?  What would the recipient of the phone calls have said if he had been confronted with the question, rather than allowed to say – ‘I was sleeping’? 

The window of opportunity on what could have been determined is shut.  The Harris County prosecutor’s office did that, not Charles Mamou.  The deck was stacked against Mamou, the victim’s family, Mamou’s family, the jury, and anyone who has ever read the story.  Everybody loses.  The prosecution may have felt not sharing the information they had would secure a ‘win’ for their office, but how is that winning?  You can’t win when you cheat, it’s a façade, a farce.  One person does not get to decide what part of the puzzle we can use. To argue a case in a court of law, what people look towards for truth, justice, equality and fairness, while keeping information to yourself, and not only doing that but also exploiting the lack of knowledge and arguing scenarios such as witnesses sleeping and sexual assault – that is not a win. 

There is also a facebook page dedicated to sharing Charles Mamou’s troubling case.

 All Photos, courtesy of ©manfredbaumann.com

TO CONTACT CHARLES MAMOU:
Charles Mamou #999333
Polunsky Unit 12-CD-53
3872 South FM 350
Livingston, TX 77351

You can also reach him through jpay.com.

SIGN HIS PETITION – LEARN ABOUT HIS CASE.  Charles Mamou is a long time WITS writer. He is part of our writing family and his case has been studied and shared here for a couple years. Please sign a petition requesting that his case be truly investigated – for the first time. If you learn enough about his case, you will likely agree, there was not much done in the way of investigation. What we have been able to learn, supports that. Please sign.

Charles Mamou Reinvestigation

Dear Ms. Ogg,

In the interest of justice, please reinvestigate the case of Charles Mamou, Jr. He has been on death row for over two decades.

There was evidence available to the D.A. in 1998 that was not shared with Charles Mamou. That evidence would have called into question witness testimony and should have been pursued in 1998 when it could have led to the guilty party. It included phone records of suspects that could have been traced. Not only was information not shared, some withheld information was exploited, such as the prosecutor communicating to the jury that Mamou sexually assaulted the victim, but not informing them or the defendant of a rape kit that was collected, which they had processed.

References to an individual named 'Shawn' being present that evening were consistently down-played and dismissed by the prosecution, yet a fax addressed to the D.A. from HPD specifically notes, handwritten by an investigator, phone calls made from 'Shawn' to a key witness, Howard Scott, at 12:19 a.m. and 3:12 a.m. that night. Mr. Mamou was unaware there were calls made. Those phone calls were also received by a key witnesses' phone, who testified he was asleep at the time, and his phone was not ringing. The prosecutor did not stop the proceedings when his witness, along with another of his witnesses, indicated they were sleeping. The prosecutor did not ask them why their phones were in use or inform Mamou or the jury that their phones were in use that night while they testified to sleeping.

New information has come to light that was not shared with the jury, including a letter that calls into question a key witness’s testimony. There are also witnesses who saw Charles Mamou when he was supposed to have been with the victim, a video statement of the key witness that does not mirror his testimony, and a statement from a state’s witness that cannot be located in the HPD case file. That witness has since told an investigator he saw the victim alive.

There are other issues as well, including notes in HPD's file that indicate biological evidence was signed out in 2019. When questioned regarding the reason for the removal, HPD communicated that only the D.A.'s Office could request evidence be removed, to which a communication with the D.A.'s office indicated no such request had been made.

For these reasons and more, we are asking you to reinvestigate Cause No. 800112. Thank you for your consideration.

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“Them”

I first realized I was the enemy of society when I was a homeless child sleeping on the roofs of steaming laundromats and eating the abundant variety of food thrown in business dumpsters.  It was before grocery stores defeated the homeless by installing trash compactors we couldn’t access.

I was homeless by choice. I’d been offered the hospitality of 30-40 foster homes which I impolitely declined, running loose until the courts gave up and legally emancipated me at age 16.  It’s possible one of those foster homes I escaped from would’ve provided me with security, nurtured me, possibly even loved me, but I refused to gamble.  I despised authority, saw it as a disease that transmutated ordinary people into monsters.  Four decades later, rotting in a former slave state prison for a crime I did not commit, my opinion about authority hasn’t improved much.

Before I reached age 14, I had been assaulted three times by police officers, once so severely it took more than a week in the hospital to recover.  They hurt me not because of criminal acts, but ostensibly because I lacked respect.  Yet the truth is, my irreverence didn’t provoke them nearly as much as my disparity.  I belonged to a different tribe, and I was a powerless divergent unable to retaliate. The establishment has always victimized people without status or property; they were the proverbial ‘us’, and I was ‘them’ – enemies from the dawn of mankind.

When I grew up, I almost joined their number, not as a cop but as a patriot.  I never did get good at following rules though, and it wasn’t long before my military career ended.  Once again I was delegated to one of ‘them’, a disenfranchised human of no money or status, who lacked the hive worker skills necessary to acquire any.

I was a drifter, drove a clunker, and had long hair; each a crime in itself.  Like diverse strangers everywhere – racial minorities, homosexuals, the homeless – I became a target for police.  In a southern town where disparity was the ultimate sin, I was jailed. 

Attorney General, Janet Reno said, “Justice is available only to those who can afford lawyers.”  How right she was.  I would’ve fared so much better if I had been wealthy and guilty rather than poor and innocent.  Or I could’ve at least saved my life if I had capitulated to the politically ambitious prosecutor and accepted his five year easy conviction plea deal.  Instead I demanded a trial by my ‘peers’, and they sentenced me to die in a plantation penitentiary.

If I thought poverty and diversity made me less than human, I soon discovered there is absolutely nothing lower than a prisoner.  Even lab monkeys have more enforceable rights to humane treatment than prisoners.  We have less prestige than all the unarmed black men, homosexuals and homeless put together.

Just a few months before George Floyd was murdered and set off international protests, prison guards went into the cage above mine and beat a naked old man named Frank Digges to death.  There were, of course, no protests.  I’m betting you’ve never heard of him even though his murder and a gruesome photo of spinal fluid leaking down his face was published in a major newspaper, The Houston Chronicle.

Why haven’t you heard of Frank Digges and all the other prisoners tortured and murdered?  Because society at large doesn’t care, and the media knows it – and the perpetrators know it.  We’re the ultimate ‘them’, viewed much like the native Americans with valuable land, the plantation slaves, and the marginalized that society doesn’t even acknowledge as human.

Given human nature, it seems impossible concepts like social justice or its sibling, criminal justice, will ever truly exist.  Our tribal instinct is so strong that even small children cruelly attack a child who is different.  History is full of powerful groups committing atrocities against weaker groups.  One could argue that’s all history is.  Family, race, religion, nationality… we all belong to a tribe, and we’re all guilty of injustice to some degree, but the greater tragedy is how easily we rationalize our evil.

I will likely die in a cage for the crime of being ‘them’, but I still think social empathy and justice are possible. It won’t be accomplished by appealing to groups because groups naturally set themselves above and apart from outsiders.  But as individuals, I think we’re all capable of walking in other people’s shoes, inspired by someone’s story.  Stories allow us to see strangers as humans.  So I write, not just to have my story heard, but the stories and voices of thousand of prisoners, many of whom are functionally illiterate and have no voice of their own. 

ABOUT THE WRITER.  I love this piece. John Adams put into words our purpose in such an eloquent way, although it was not his intention. His writing is always honest, open and a true pleasure to work with and share. He is not only an amazing writer, he keeps me on my toes, always making me review the way I present topics. John Adams has served twenty-five years of a life sentence and maintains his innocence. He can be contacted at:

John Adams #768543
810 FM 2821
Huntsville, TX 77349

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Prison Writing and Expression