I lost my way sometime after 2006. I’m a Marine Corp veteran and father of four amazing children, as well as two beautiful grandchildren, but I still lost my way. I felt like I was on a train, headed down a mountain, without breaks, not realizing pride and selfishness were pushing the train faster, not to mention greed, alcohol and drugs. I thought I was in total control though. My train took me to prison for the first time in 2014.
Before that happened, I had tried to convince myself the people who meant the most to me didn’t notice the condition of my train as it passed them every day. I told myself, ‘I got this.’ I’d pay half the rent one week intending to pay the rest the next week and justifying it all with, ‘Well, at least I paid something.’ Next week would come, the utilities would be due and the other half of the rent, plus the three kids that looked up to me needed lunch money, and the refrigerator was empty. I was so ‘in control’, I didn’t realize the fifty dollars I just spent on drugs was taking food out of their mouths.
Life kept picking up speed. My GPS stopped working, and I was headed in a direction I never saw coming. I’ve tried, over the years, to figure out what made me lose focus on what was really going on. What I finally figured out was – it was me. I was the conductor. I derailed myself at the age of 48-years-old. I have no one to blame but me. And I needed help. I found help in God.
And I had to start believing I was worth happiness, love and forgiveness. I also figured out I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Looking back, I think prison may have saved my life. I could have died on my path. I think it was a sign from above, telling me to steer in the direction of freedom, family and forgiveness. The most important change I’ve ever made is letting God take over as my conductor.
ABOUT THE WRITER. Charles Butcher is new to our writing family, but has said what many writers have shared – ‘prison may have saved my life’. That sometimes get lost in the debate of how to improve conditions and the system. I hope he shares more of his wisdom and perspective with us in the future, acknowledging we can take what’s good and make it better, while fixing or removing all that is broken. Mr. Butcher can be contacted at:
Charles D. Butcher #166023
21000 Hwy. 350 East
Model, CO 81059
