The Center

“Man, fuck Wilbert…  he can’t tell me what to do.  He ain’t my mutha-fuckin’ daddy.”

That was a recurring phrase I heard about the director at the local community center, kids fuming over rules and regulations and a man dead-set on enforcing them.

I first heard of Wilbert over monkey bar banter during recess at elementary school, dissenting conversations about fun and rules that turned into a tug-of-war of words.  I heard enough to know I wanted to know more about the man who could inspire such joy while rousing such fury.  The next day, I walked home from school, giddy with anticipation as we made our way to the Center.

The Reid Street Community Center was everything I had hoped for.  Everything I dreamed.  Their basketball courts were indoors and had polished wood.  In the projects where I lived, there was only dirt.  There were billiards in the game room, air hockey and puzzles.   A dance studio with full-length mirrors.  Vending machines and a playground.  A kitchen.  A pool.  Arts and crafts.  Oh, yeah… and Wilbert.

He came in well short of his reputation which was prominent enough to be a titan, though he towered over the heads of onrushing kids as they poured through the doors of the Center.  His skin tone was dark, rich and as appealing as cocoa on a winter morning.  He was clean-shaven with a trimmed moustache that made him approachable while his steady glare gave me pause.  His fitted tee showed off bulging biceps, his warm-ups and sneakers making him look the part of a bona fide athlete in search of the competition.  I held my breath along with my opinion as I breezed by him, seemingly unnoticed.  It would be my first day in a place that would become a second home.

Wilbert turned out to be a cool guy – not some half angel/demon to which I presumed.  He was laid back, even when he was engaging kids and their activities.  His voice was mellow and well composed. Sure, there were rules plastered on almost every wall throughout the Center, but it’s not like he used them to browbeat us into submission.  Wilbert was as stern as he needed to be to teach us kids discipline and self-respect; a purpose well-served since many of us had no one else. 

The Reid Street Community Center sat in one of the most impoverished neighborhoods in town, where lack of resources often included a lapse in effective parenting.  Kids from broken homes with single, working-class, mothers and absentee fathers were those who most frequented the Center.  Many of them were unruly by cause-and-effect and didn’t give a damn about following the rules.   But where some home-life offered negligence and abuse, the Center was a sanctuary.

Wilbert wasn’t just the activity coordinator, he was also a mentor to troubled kids. His goal was to tap into the potential of every kid there and draw out our self-worth.  Sometimes it meant giving someone the boot for flagrant or repeated offenses, though the ban seldom lasted more than a day since Wilbert was exceptionally forgiving.

There were other staff members that helped out around the Center, counseling and facilitating events and proving their devotion to the cause. As such, Wilbert could often be seen in his office toiling over paperwork as he figured out how to keep the place running, yet he left his door open, always willing to stop in the middle of budget cuts to make himself available to talk.

He was the Center’s little league football coach, the basketball referee and also the swimming instructor.  He hosted Friday night dances in an effort to raise money for the equipment.  He showed up on rainy days, worked long after hours and drove the kids home when they were running late for curfew.  And yeah… he caught some flak at times for being strict when enforcing the rules, but it was only because he held us to high standards.  Still, no matter how many times the kids cussed him out and spewed their harsh opinions about Wilbert, he was always there for them the next day.

Wilbert went on to effect many lives with his work at the Community Center, a feat that was sure to offer its share of challenges. The building was marred by paint chips and broken windows, the equipment was rickety and threadbare.  Bullies and other misfits came around at times and turned the grounds into a battle field.  And with the Center serving as a hub for every urban kid in the surrounding neighborhoods, too often it was understaffed.  Yet Wilbert was the driving spirit that kept that place alive, his devotion the keys to the door.  It was his very stance on the policies and his unwillingness to compromise that made many of us kids feel safe.  Sometimes I would wonder how much he would take before he up and left us, but as it turned out, Wilbert was already home.  And he was never out to try to be anyone’s ‘daddy’…  No, Wilbert was determined to do better.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. His unique writing style is in a league of its own. He is gifted.
He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.
He wrote this essay in response to our recent contest, which he couldn’t enter due to his position on the Board. He’s a man who goes the extra mile even when he doesn’t have to.

Terry continues to work on his memoirs, as well as a book of fiction, and he can be contacted at (Please Note, this is a change of address, as NC has revised the way those in prison receive mail):
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131

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the inheritance

my father told me a story once
it was only one of a few… you see
he was a stranger
a deadbeat i barely knew… anyway
he ran me out the front door
into a ghetto summer outside
his little duplex was a waste of space
on chicago’s black southside
he pointed up forest avenue
like a man waving a gun
squinting at some invisible foe
escaping on the run
“your grandpa stood right here,” he said
“in a wife beater stained with paint
“he shouted to that midnight burglar
“I may be drunk, but I sho’ shoot straight”
he laughed and slapped my back
he doubled over to wheeze
then he stood up clutching his belly
reminiscing his fond memory
the ghetto sun faded
to a dark, blackish hue
my grandpa died a dirty drunk
and so will the father i barely knew
the inheritance

ABOUT THE AUTHOR. I am forever impressed by the people who contact WITS. Phillip Smith is no exception, and that is because after reading about his many accomplishments, and listening to him on youtube regarding a bill he has authored, NC HB 697, advocating for others, I know I would be hard pressed to do all he has done with so few resources. I hope we get to hear more from him, and I am excited to see all he accomplishes.

Mr. Smith can be contacted at:
Phillip Vance Smith, II #0643656
Nash Correctional Institution
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131

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Contest Prompt – Grace

Recently, I was thrilled to see a post in social media regarding a successful model of a corrections facility in Nebraska intended to give women a safe and structured place to prepare to reenter society.  The post was accompanied by a photo of a lobby that was clean, comfortable and modern looking.  There was art on the walls.  There was a photo of a cafeteria with typical cafeteria furniture, long tables and standard stools, but there was artwork and it appeared very clean and painted in a soft blue – nothing fancy, but certainly a nice place to eat. The description spoke of an area outside for children to play, how the facility encouraged interaction between those that lived there and their supporters on the outside, as well as classrooms.  There were several positive comments after mine, and then there was this one –

 “Wow, nicer than a lot of homes in Lincoln.  Guess they deserve that?”

And that is the inspiration for our writing contest.  NOT who deserves what.  We won’t waste time trying to figure out who deserves what.  Rather…

PROMPT:   Have you ever received or witnessed someone else receive ‘grace’ – unmerited mercy and compassion – and how did that impact you or them? 

My best bit of advice for any entry – remember the prompt.  There are a lot of ways to approach it, as long as the prompt is the focus, your entry will be considered.

Only those who are incarcerated are eligible to participate. 

We can’t accept anything that has been previously published.

Submission is free – BUT, even if an entry doesn’t win, we consider entry permission to publish and edit.  Sometimes we get so many excellent entries, they can’t all win, but they need to be shared.

Entries should be 1,000 words or less.  Poetry is considered, as long as it is inspired by the prompt.

Submissions can be handwritten.

As done in our previous contests, I will narrow down the entries to the top ten, and then hand them off to individuals to rate the writing with a point system to determine winners.

PRIZES: 

First Place:  $75
Second Place:  $50
Third Place:  $25

DEADLINE:  December 31, 2021.  Decisions will be posted on or before January 31, 2022.

MAILING ADDRESS:

Walk In Those Shoes
Writing Contest Entry
P.O. Box 70092
Henrico, Virginia  23255

FOOTNOTE:  WITS was inspired, in part, by the story of a boy named Jamycheal Mitchell.  He stole some food – snacks – a haul of $5.05.  He was mentally ill, but rather than being transferred to a facility that could help him after his arrest, he was left in a jail in Virginia to essentially starve to death.  He was just 24 years old when he was arrested.  He was dead several months later.  ‘Wasting’ is a word used in his cause of death. In the months it took him to die, I wonder if anyone who passed by him wondered if he ‘deserved’ that. 

Deserve?  What does anybody deserve and how different would our world be if nobody spent time worrying if anyone else received compassion – whether they ‘deserve’ it or not? 

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The Kiss I’ll Never Forget

I will never forget August 30, 2006.  I was on A-pod, occupying B-dayroom’s recreational section, nexus to Death Watch on Texas Death Row.  It was after 5:30 p.m. and visitation was over, so I headed toward the front of the dayroom, hoping to catch a guy I affectionately called RoadDawg.  His real name was Derrick Frazier, but many knew him as Hasan.  Before that, he was Castro – like Fidel, Cuba’s former dictator.

Hasan never knew his father.  His mother left when he was fifteen, weeks later to be found dead of a drug overdose.  He had an abusive stepfather.  Eventually, Hasan grew tired of the abuse and ran away.  He began living in the streets and soon after was adopted by Crip gang members. Becoming a new member meant he had to get a new name, and that’s how Castro was born.

I didn’t meet Castro until after he arrived on Texas Death Row.  It was then that he denounced his gang, took up religion and became a Muslim.  He studied the religion relentlessly, renaming himself Hasan and following the ways of Islam.  He founded two newsletters – Operation L.I.F.E. and the Texas Chapter of the Human Rights Coalition, and that is how I came to know him.  Hasan took his money from that and practiced ‘zakat’ towards his fellow death row inmates, no matter what race or religion.  If you didn’t have, he gave clandestinely.

When he told me he had received an execution date, he said it as if he was telling me the score to a football game that I had missed, there was no emotion – at least, none on the outside.  He told me he was going to unroll his mat and pray… and he did.

Hasan had a friend from Canada that was seeing him through visits. He even had her visit me. He was visiting with her on August 30, 2006, as I stood in the dayroom waiting to get a glimpse of him, to somehow communicate my solidarity through a look I planned on giving him.  Shortly after 5:30 that evening he came walking through the door, looking like a king who stared down adversaries without an ounce of fear.  He hadn’t noticed me, so I called out to him. Robotically, he turned my way, and seeing me, broke free from the escorting officers’ grips and started my way.  He was handcuffed, and the guards didn’t stop him.  I had no idea what I was going to do, but I stuck my hands out of the bars and gave him a hug.  He began to cry, tears that fell rapidly, knowing time was running out.

Then he kissed my left cheek, whispering into my ear, “RoadDawg, do me a favor.  You have the best chance of any of us here.  Get free.  Go home. Don’t let these folks win.  Promise me!”

I told him nothing.  Not that I didn’t want to.  I was still shocked he kissed me, and at the same time the guards started calling his name and came to retrieve him to bring him into the ‘death watch’ cell.  It all happened so fast, words eluded me, and I watched my friend walk off.

That night I was standing in the door of my cell, all the lights off on the pod, when I became aware of something I was seeing.  If I looked at the pod’s control picket that is made of glass, I could see the reflection of all the cells on death watch, and I turned my attention to #8 cell, which held Hasan. There he was, standing in the door with his light on.  His light was on.  Mine was off.  I watched him for a few hours.  He didn’t move once.  Through the years I wondered what he was looking at. Was he soaking in his last hours of life as he looked out in the dark jungle of iron bars and steel gates?  Trying to understand how he came to his final moments? Was he waiting and hoping for a miracle?  Or was he wondering what was I doing standing in my cell’s door in the dark?  Did he see me?  Eventually, I went to lay down.  I said a prayer for my friend and would get up to come to the door every so often only to see him still standing there.

Hasan left at 7:40 a.m. for his last few hours of visitation with his friend from Canada.  I also was told that an aunt came to see him.  He never came back.

When they pronounced him dead a little after 6:30 that evening, I cried, unconsciously holding the cheek he’d kissed.  My friend was the epitome of change, strength, and courage.  I will never forget that about him.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.  Charles “Chucky” Mamou is the first place winner of our most recent writing contest. Although a long-time writer for WITS, he rarely enters our contests. I’m glad he did.
Mr. Mamou has always maintained his innocence, and after extensive research into his case, WITS actively advocates for him. If you would like to know more about his case and sign a letter requesting an investigation, please add your name to his petition.

Charles Mamou can be contacted at:
Charles Mamou #999333
Polunsky Unit 12-CD-53
3872 South FM 350
Livingston, TX 77351

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The Air You Breath

When my ex-wife sent me divorce papers, it was a hard day.  I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in more than three years, and I was hurt she had broken her promise before God.  But I came to understand… eventually.  I was unable to free myself from this hell after nine years of marriage.  I’m happy to have been touched by that woman, to have breathed that air.  I can’t be mad.

Food, water and touch – I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or what your socio-economic status might be, those are vital to living.  Time in prison is meant to deprive you of touch, being loved.  It’s meant to cut others off from confirming your worth and value despite your faults.

I first started getting locked up when I was about twelve.  Truancy was a crime that they put kids in a cage for.  Back then it was my grandmother’s touch that mattered, her showing up to say, “That one over there?  You can’t have him!  I want him back!”  Value.  Worth was set.

I didn’t know what it was to condition someone back then, purgatory.  It wasn’t until I had served three and a half years on twenty-three hour a day lockdown, one hour out per day, and found myself adapting that I panicked.  I was a mess when I got out. I still have trouble being in large crowds.  I had to go to Toastmasters to regain the confidence of speech.  To this day, my reactions to conflict tend too violent at first blush.  It’s hard to shake years of depression and the ‘you ain’t worth shit!’ mentality of ‘fuck it!’ after that much time of having no contact with anyone.  I’ve gone up to ten years without family or friends, without touch.

I’ve lived most of my life on lockdown, over more than twenty years total. It’s done things to my mind and spirit, killed parts of me in an isolated cage, witnessed only by God and myself.  Vital pieces of me the young man didn’t know that the old man would need, the two of us at war over what shape or form my soul, my person, would eventually be.  Deprivation of touch is an old slavery tool, tried and true, meant to reshape the human spirit.  

It’s a hell of a thing to question your worth because of conditions, situations and an environment designed to deprive you of an affirming touch.   People are paid to make this happen? 

I’m guilty, you say?  I agree, I am.  I’m also remorseful, grateful, humbled, able and flawed.  I’m broken but not destroyed, and I’m worthy of more than judgment and fear.  I’m so much more than guilty.  I’m a man in need of a woman’s touch.

Many who are far more eloquent than I have written about the power of contact and connection, but I’ve been curled up on my bunk in tears for lack of her.  That need has broken my heart in a hundred ways, as I call out to God for her touch, only to curse Him for not moving fast enough!  I’ve had a thousand conversations designed to return love to her, only to hear myself speaking out loud to no one I’ve ever met or knew to be real, a conversation based on a freedom that may never be returned to me, that I may never recapture.

A product of this battle is an intense focus on myself to the exclusion of others, withdrawing into my own pain and rejection, knowing to touch or be touched by another comes at a great risk, much like a child punished for his love of candy bars to the point that he fears the glorious taste of chocolate.  A man adrift in a sea, fearing the dry, sandy shore will not return his feet once they are covered. 

Just as fear and desperation are the greatest of motivators, hope and desire are the coinage used to barter passage from the what was of yesterday to the dream board of tomorrow, and all you have to build on is the now – this moment of contact, of being touched.

I met her through a friend, by all accounts a beautiful soul, person and woman.  Brave and courageous beyond believe, she flung herself forward with an open heart, one broken by some who were forever cutting the wheel in a game of chicken when she has always too much of a woman to bluff.  Then, as such stories go, she’d blame herself for not being enough.  It’s crazy the way the brave are willing to carry the faults of others as their own, despite the facts.  

Loneliness?  Depression?  Sure, we’ve both seen those, but as long as I’m 100% the man in her life and she fills mine to the brim with her touch, we’ll change the quality of the air in this hell we find ourselves in. 

Is it enough to simply survive the hardships of life?  My world is a place of hot ash and fire, metal and concrete.  The real danger for her is that I’ll never see freedom.  She could spend the rest of her life sharing breath with a man she can never reach out to in the middle of the night.  But do I be the man she needs in her life, tempt her, only to then reject her in the name of sparing her the ‘possibility’ of future pain?  At the expense of her touch in my life?  Is that a noble sacrifice or me fearing the sand won’t give my feet back?

Everything in life should be insurable!  There are too few guarantees in this world.  Identify who you like and need, and fight longer and harder than anyone else for who you must have.   Give your all to see that someone grow and prosper, as they tend the same garden in your life.  This is how you wed to someone, know and become known by someone. Shared contact. Touch.

Sharing dark moments of my life on paper gives someone else permission that was never needed to clench their fist or soften their hearts – or both.  For some, its teeth and claws, for others, its writs and laws, maybe a business plan, but for yet others – it’s a helping hand to one not your kind, color or even your friend, because trouble is a promise and nobody gets it right every time.

ABOUT THE WRITER.  DeLaine Jones has, once again, risen to the occasion. He his our second place writing contest winner. He is a great talent, and we are honored to be able to share his work here. As always – I look forward to hearing from him again.

Mr. Jones has served 32 years for a crime he committed when he was seventeen years old, a juvenile. He can be contacted at:

DeLaine Jones #7623482
82911 Beach Access Road
Umatilla, OR 97882

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