Category Archives: Sentenced to Death

Church Bound

When my family and I moved to E. B. Jordan Homes in 1980, it was like a ghost town in the woods – rural, secluded, somewhat lawless and all the perks of country living.  There were ditches to scour, trees to climb, fields to rove; and also the not-so-friendly white people to consider.  It was the early period of gentrification in Wilson, when underprivileged families were uprooted from the inner city and relocated to areas where we were less welcome.  

E.B. Jordan Homes was a project housing community on the outskirts of town between a predominantly white neighborhood and a motorcycle club.  We had the n-word flung at us from some few cars passing by, but other than that, it was a  great place to live, and my mischief began when I was young.  At seven I cussed, bullied and vandalized.  I stole candy almost everyday from the old service station across the street.  I wasn’t afraid of getting caught, nor was I bothered by the obscenities of some whites, but no matter how tough I acted, I was always scared of one thing… London Church.

That was all I knew about the old creepy church that sat several yards from our front door. It was called London Church.  It was faded white with chipped paint and shutters on the windows and guarded by towering oak trees. The older kids told stories about London Church being built atop a cemetery and the funerals for those graves were held inside London Church; that alone kept me up many a night staring over at the church grounds waiting for something to move.  I spent the first few years trying to forget all the scary stories I’d heard, but often enough I would pass by London Church and wonder – yet throw a pretty girl in the mix and just like that, I was ready to confront my fears. 

It began one day with some silly notion that was caught on the wind. We were hoping to impress some neighborhood girls when  someone said, “Let’s break into London Church.”  At the time, I associated the name London with England, and I thought of him as some ancient white man, one whose spirit would not take kindly to a bunch of Black kids running around in his church. But then the thunder crackled and the lightning flashed, and the break-in seemed like the perfect thing to do, as though God himself was saying, “I’mma lookout for y’all little bad asses this time, but you owe me one.”

So we headed over to London Church, one foot-step coaxing the other with the acoustics of thunder to incite our false courage. We told tall tales of ghosts and demons and old white slave masters, who would shackle not our bodies but our spirits. When we got there, all the wide-eyed looks turned my way, and unanimously I was elected the scapegoat… so I shimmied open the window and with a boost I climbed inside, in effect breaking into London Church.  What happened next is spotty and irrelevant as the events of that day are now but a haze in my distant past, but what I did was dishonorable and has left me with lingering regret as I would come to learn more about the man called London.  

On Valentine’s day, 1970, three years before I was born, the Wilson Daily Times published a full-page article on London Woodard, a man who was born a slave, yet died as a pivotal figure in Black history.  London was born in 1792, the whip-cracking era when black bodies were deemed no more than chattel in an economy driven by cruelty.  A time when Black heritage and Black identities, like the names of London’s parents, were snuffed out of existence and did not survive the passage of time.  Much of London’s young life was unknown, but at 24, he was recorded in the estate of Asa Woodard, and later at 34 with Julan Woodard, indicating the familial passing down of his enslavement.  On March 22, 1827, just one year later, London would be sold again. He was bought at an auction by Administrator James B. Woodard for $500.  London would spend the majority of his adult life on the Woodard plantation as the slaves in those days seldom strayed far from the “good master”.  London was 35 when he met another Woodard slave, a woman named Venus, and the two found marital bliss and would remain a union for 18 years, until Venus died in 1845.  

London was recognized as a distiller in fine fruit brandies, providing a euphoria to the other slaves to best deal with the day’s long heat and the lash of the master’s tongue.  He was baptized on August 24, 1828, as a member of the Tosneot Baptist Church, a site located some few miles from the E.B. Jordan projects where I grew up and established as the oldest church in Wilson. From there London was promoted to the Overseer, tending to the slaves for the master, a discovery to which I felt indifferent to old London, but unfair since I don’t know what it’s like to be a slave.

It was, in fact, as the Overseer that London caught the eye of Penelope Lassiter, a woman born free in 1814.  When she was 29, Penelope was hired as the housekeeper and surrogate mother to the children of James B. Woodard after the death of his second wife.  Woodard would again marry 4 years later, but by then Penelope had become vital to the rearing of the children, and so she was kept on as she would come to be known as Aunt Penny.  It was while working on the plantation that Penelope’s admiration for London grew, and in 1845, the same year his wife Venus died and London was left with 9 children, he and Penelope married.  London was 58.  He and Penelope had 6 kids together. 

Penelope was born the daughter of Hardy Lassiter, a mulatto who owned a farm south of Wilson. Penny, herself, would prove to be business minded, and at 39, she bought 106 acres (five miles east of Wilson on Tarboro Road) for $242.  It was then 1853 and she and London had been married 9 years.  The next year, she paid $150 to James B. Woodard and bought London’s freedom. 

But freedom would come at a far greater price when enslavement was all that one knew, and London would stay on at the Woodard plantation for another 11 years until he was officially emancipated.  He did, however, continue to thrive, and on December 11, 1866, just one year after his emancipation, London bought 200 acres of his own.  He also continued in his devout membership at Tosneot Baptist Church until after the Civil War, and on April 22, 1866, he was granted permission to preach amongst his “acquaintances only”.

Elizabeth Farmer, who was also a member of the Tosneot Baptist Church, donated one acre  of land for $1 for the purpose of building a Black church. The stipulation was as recorded, “…in the event that said premises be used for secular affairs, either by concord or trustees, then deed was null and void.”  London went on to preach in Black homes and other circles of his peers for 4 years, until he was officially licensed to preach and saw the construction of the Black church completed.

London Primitive Baptist Church was opened for service on Saturday, October 22, 1870.  It was regarded as the first Black church in Wilson County.  London was 78 and unfortunately he would preach at the church for only 3 weeks.  His last sermon was on November 13, 1870.  The next day he suffered a stroke and fell into an open fireplace.  Burned beyond recovery, London lived long enough to dictate a will, leaving his wife Penelope much of his furnishings and equipment, and to his children, his beehives and a tenth of the residue each, valued at $7 a share.  He dictated the will before the Woodard brothers (William, James Simms, and Calvin) as witnesses, though London was too weak to sign the will himself.  He died the next day, November 15, 1870. His will was attested and probated one week later. 

And that was the story of old London Woodard, who was best known as Uncle London. But it  was only the beginning of his lasting legacy as his church would stand more than 100 years later. 

The history of London Church was declared murky for the next 25 years until it was rebuilt in 1895.  It’s new location was on Herring Avenue, some 50 yards from the original site on London Church Road and even less than that from my childhood home.  It was recognized under the umbrella of the Turner Swamp Primitive Baptist Church in 1897, and it is still in use today, making it a prestigious landmark for Black spiritual practice.

So that day when I broke into London Church, I broke the seal on something sacred – a place where Black ancestors far and wide once congregated in holy union. I’d passed under the threshold and stood in the halls of an ex-slave and survivor, whose name would now defy the passing of time. And though I’d trodden on the floors of Black excellence, desecrated by my youthful ignorance but made whole I would hope by my earnest accountability, I pray that my egregious offense to Black history and my blundering childhood ways are  pardoned by the spirit of Uncle London.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. He is currently working on a work of fiction as well as his memoir, and he is co-author of Beneath Our Numbers: A Collaborative Memoir From Inside Mass Incarceration. He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.

Terry can be contacted at:
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131
OR
textbehind.com

There is also a Facebook page that is not maintained by Terry, but does share all his work, Terry ‘Duck’ Robinson. Any messages left there for Terry will be forwarded to him.

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Entries From My Journal #6

Note: This is sixth in a series. We often see innocent individuals get out of prison after decades – but we can never fully appreciate what they go through. This is a small attempt to touch on the surface of what it is like to be innocent and on death row. How did Terry Robinson end up on death row? Two people physically connected to the crime scene accused Robinson of murder. That’s it. These entries are not edited, but shared in their original format.

January 29, 2023

[Typically, these journal entries are sent in written form. Terry called me on January 29, 2023, wanting to share something that he wrote, impacted by seeing the mother of Tyre Nichols on the news. We started recording shortly after he called.]

Entries From My Journal #1

Entries From My Journal #2

Entries From My Journal #3

Entries From My Journal #4

Entries From My Journal #5


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. He is currently working on a work of fiction as well as his memoir, and he is co-author of Beneath Our Numbers: A Collaborative Memoir From Inside Mass Incarceration. He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.

Terry can be contacted at:
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131
OR
textbehind.com

There is also a Facebook page that is not maintained by Terry, but does share all his work, Terry ‘Duck’ Robinson. Any messages left there for Terry will be forwarded to him.

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Cross-Pollination

A Conversation with George about Cross-Pollination and Compassion.

I once read a story about a farmer who grew excellent quality corn.  She’d won many a Blue Ribbon for Best Grown Corn.  One year, a reporter asked what her secret to success was.  She grinned and said, “I share my seed corn with my neighbors.”

The stunned reporter said, “What!  How can you risk sharing your best seed corn with your neighbors, when you know they’ll be competing against you next year?”  What the farmer then explained illustrates a life lesson for me.

“Don’t you know?  The wind lifts pollen from ripening corn and swirls it from field to field.  If my neighbor grows inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn.  If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.”

So it is with our lives.  We all have something to offer.  It may be a gift or talent we were born with or picked up along the way, or something we studied and practiced and honed.  It could be an athletic ability or the gift of poetry.  One might be able to draw anything they see or read the body language of others so well they can perceive what’s not being said.  We’ve all seen people with refined skills teach their secrets and hard-earned wisdom to others… and we all know stingy folks who’d take a secret recipe for chili to the grave. 

As editor of Compassion, a national newsletter written by and for people incarcerated on Death Row, I’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of writers.  Some live in the same prison unit as me; we started on this literary journey together about ten years ago.  In 2013, the prison offered a creative writing class to the 140 or so men here on Death Row in North Carolina.  Twenty of us signed up, though only a few had graduated high school and could actually write a proper sentence.  Yet, over the course of its five-year lifespan, the class was mostly facilitated by professors from Duke University and UNC, along with professional journalists, novelists, and poets.  We were in awe of these highly skilled people and didn’t understand why they were ‘lowering’ themselves for guys like us.  Why waste their gifts?  They said, “We believe in you.  We’ve had opportunities and advantages you didn’t.  So, now we want to offer some to you.”  It reminds me of how NBA stars might volunteer at basketball camps for teens:  It speaks to seeing the universality of human potential in even the least of us, the young, the wayward and uneducated.  It’s about giving back, remembering that people greater than themselves helped them attain greatness.

Similarly, I have a friend on the outside who is a professional writer, editor, poet – she can do it all.  She’s befriended budding writers in prison, and she corresponds with them, teaches them how to refine their craft, helps them to see their own potential and provides practical support to facilitate achievement.  She finds publishing opportunities, types up their manuscripts, submits their work online (even paying the submission fees) since we have no computer access in prison.  Without such support from people like her on the outside, it is impossible for incarcerated writers to succeed.  I’ve asked her why she does it, and she’s said, “It’s in my heart to help people, and this is what I have to offer.  I just want to do my part.”

But we don’t have to be experts to do our part, to give of ourselves.  Among the volunteers who make Compassion possible, none are writing professionals.  Rather, they donate time, money, energy, and labor to sustain this outlet.  Each gives what they can.  A couple type all the issues, someone else formats it, a few fundraise (Compassion is a nonprofit), etc.  Of the writings themselves, most of the submissions I receive are handwritten, barely legible, and undeveloped as stories, essays, and poems, as most of the writers are uneducated, the same way I was when I joined the writing class here.  However, Compassion is a defacto writing class for them.  It can be instructive for the contributors when they compare their original submission to their edited version once it’s published.  They also get to see the more polished contributions from highly skilled writers, which shows them what can be done if they keep practicing.

Of the twenty of us who joined the writing class here, seven stuck with it and became established writers, winning national awards and publishing books, essays, and poems.  Several founded mentorship programs in collaboration with people on the outside.  All were transformed because people invested in us, believed in us, helped us believe in ourselves.

It reminds me that we are all interconnected, and whether active or passive, we influence the world around us in a sort of social cross-pollination.  If we wish to truly live well and meaningfully, we must help enrich the lives of others.  The welfare of one is tangled with the welfare of ALL:  like it or not, we are in this together.  The fact is, none of us truly wins until we all win.  Humanity is a race, but not the kind that lines us up against each other with only one winner.  Rather, this race – HUMANITY – unites us.  When we overemphasize individualism, “looking out for #1”, personal liberty, etc., we get exactly that – a bunch of lovely disconnected individuals.  Too much individualism dehumanizes us, because humans are social creatures.  The Golden Rule speaks to balancing selfish and selfless concern; we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, not just promote one over the other.

Whether we know it or not, we are part of something bigger, something that transcends our subdivisions of gender, class, race, religion, age, political party.  Life, the fulfilled life, is all about relationships – between us and God, and us and each other.  Humans are not meant to be alone; we live symbiotically with others. Love is the nutritive force that keeps everything growing and producing a high-quality harvest, making humanity better as a race.  Our differences are not designed to divide us, but to offer openings for us to pour ourselves into one another’s lives, to be enriched by each other, and to impart value by gifting us all with something special to bring to the feast.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.  George Wilkerson lives on Death Row in NC. He inspires me. When you work with people who live in prison long enough, you get to know some who make you hope to be just as loving as them. George is one of the people that makes me aspire to show his level of kindness. He is also an accomplished poet, writer and artist. He is the author of Interface and Bone Orchard, as well as co-author of Inside and Beneath Our Numbers. And, as discussed, he is the editor of Compassion. More of his work can be found at katbrodie.com/georgewilkerson/.

George Wilkerson can be contacted at:

George T. Wilkerson #0900281
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131

He can also be contacted via textbehind.com

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Entries From My Journal #5

Note: This is fifth in a series. We often see innocent individuals get out of prison after decades – but we can never fully appreciate what they go through. This is a small attempt to touch on the surface of what it is like to be innocent and on death row. How did Terry Robinson end up on death row? Two people physically connected to the crime scene accused Robinson of murder. That’s it. These entries are not edited, but shared in their original format.

Listen as Terry reflects on this particular journal entry.

April 17, 2016 (4:02 am)

It’s been 4 months since I wrote in this journal, but tonight I’m having trouble sleeping and I didn’t have anywhere else to turn. I keep having these dreams of getting off Death Row, but I can’t stay long. For some reason I’ve gotta come right back. I’m going around visiting people I haven’t seen in years but it’s just to say goodbye. I don’t know if it’s meaning I belong on Death Row or this place is so far removed from the world that once you’re here, you’re lost forever. I wonder what happened to that little kid that used to be me, the one who wouldn’t be caught dead on Death Row. I used to dream of white picket fences and gardens around a trailer, now all I can dream of is the chance to see people before I die. Sometimes I don’t know what’s worse, being woke to face all the bullshit that happens on Death Row, or going to sleep and realizing I’m still in this bitch.

Entries From My Journal #1

Entries From My Journal #2

Entries From My Journal #3

Entries From My Journal #4


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. He is currently working on a work of fiction as well as his memoir, and he is co-author of Beneath Our Numbers: A Collaborative Memoir From Inside Mass Incarceration. He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.

Terry can be contacted at:
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131
OR
textbehind.com

There is also a Facebook page that is not maintained by Terry, but does share all his work, Terry ‘Duck’ Robinson. Any messages left there for Terry will be forwarded to him.

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Shooting The Breeze

Inside the confines of solitary confinement’s concrete cell, you have to make abnormal adjustments in a rather abnormal situation.  Otherwise, your capacity to socialize atrophies, you wither up and die a social death.  In this place, you’d better adjust and find creative ways of connecting and communicating, lest your emotions become hollowed out, leaving behind only a mere shell of your social self.  I’ve been isolated on federal death row for fifteen years now and have learned some deaths are more inhumane than lethal injection.

As long as there is an ounce of humanity left alive in you, a person is compelled to reach out and socialize, by any means necessary, even if you gotta yell through the solid steel door of your solitary cell.  Or shoot the breeze, as I often do, with disembodied voices through the ventilation system.

In this four-storied, maximum-security building at the federal penitentiary in Terre Haute, Indiana, the ventilation system is a social lifeline.  The grapevine of prison gossip and not-so-private confessions.  The social network where mundane conversations go viral, carried through the vents of far-flung cells across the four floors.

Standing on my stainless steel toilet in my third-floor solitary cell, I shoot the breeze with voices from downstairs, my head close to the perforated vent on the concrete wall.

“I’m a white girl with tits and hips and ass,” a feminine voice lilts through the air ducts, cutting through the heavy male notes clogging up the airways.  I would know that nasal, high-pitched tone anywhere, the way it emotes a joy uncharacteristic in this dank and dark place.  It’s Bonnie.

“Call me Bonnie Grace,” she told me when we first met at the vent.

Bonnie lives on the second-floor, confined to administrative segregation, also known as the hole, which occupies the first two floors (federal death row occupies the upper two).  In the hole, men who were once in general population are segregated and locked down in solitary confinement for various reasons, most of which have to do with disciplinary infractions or pending investigations.  Bonnie is there for the latter.  Or so she says.

I’ve been chatting with Bonnie since earlier in the day.  I’d been pacing when I heard her yell up through the vent.  

“Death Row!”

I ignored the voice at first, not sure who she was calling.

“Upstairs!”

Still, I paid it no mind.

“I know you hear me.  Hear you movin’ round up there.”

Sounds travel through all this steel and concrete, and apparently, my footfalls were thudding upon the concrete floor, Bonnie’s ceiling.

Tugged by the voice, and ever yearning for social proximity, I stepped up on the toilet seat, put my ear to the vent, and that was the start of our social exchange.  And no matter the subject, Bonnie tends to go off on tangents and promote her appearance, as if she’s taking selfies with her words.  At this moment, she’s doing just that.

“I’m about five-ten, weigh about 150 pounds.  Skinny.  Long hair.  Pretty…” She pauses, perhaps distracted or thinking, and then she says with gleeful pride, “And they say I look like the girl on Beetlejuice!”

“Beetlejuice?  What?!” I reply, confused.  I faintly remember that movie.  I think the characters are phantoms or a version of living-dead, ghostlike, and I’m surprised that Bonnie sees this as a compliment.  “WTF!” I comment.

A male voice interrupts us, “And she gotta big-ass nose too!”

“Oh my god!” Bonnie says, her signature interjection.  “But I’m cute though!”  She giggles, and I picture her admiring herself, her hand running through her long hair, flinging it in the air, giddy with all the social attention.

Bonnie is transgender, identifies as female, and takes hormones.  “I take estrogen and anti-testosterone pills every day,” she informs us.  And now she’s “a white girl with tits and hips and ass,” one of fourteen or so transgender residents at this all-male prison.

Bonnie’s legal name is Steven, out of Texas.  Steven used to be part of a white supremacist gang.  “I used to tear shit up,” Bonnie says, wilding out, fighting and stabbing, doing all kinds of “crazy shit” for the gang.  But all along, she says, a part of her felt like a female.

Bonnie never tells me what led her to taking the prison psych evaluation, one of the first steps to transitioning inside the federal Bureau of Prisons.  She just tells me about the process.  She started transitioning less than a year ago, and her body has changed drastically.  Or so she says.  You never know what’s true at the vent.  A person can be anybody, assuming whatever persona, catfishing and being catfished.

But I choose to believe Bonnie.  I have to.  In order to socialize. To stave off social-death.

After some time, I end the exchange, step down from the toilet, and plant my feet on the cold concrete ground.  I resume pacing compulsively, one of the adverse effects of solitary confinement, and I immerse myself in the lingering warmth – the afterglow of social rapport.

ABOUT THE WRITER. Rejon is new to WITS, but determined to build on his natural ability with words, spending a good deal of his time on federal death row constructively using his creativity. I hope he continues to write, and I also hope he sends some of that writing our way. You can learn more about Rejon at his website: www.rejontaylor.art

He can also be contacted at: rejonltaylor@gmail.com

To learn more about Rejon’s case, which involved being charged at the age of eighteen years old and later sentenced to death, click here.

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Getting Out

I want to get out of prison.  As a Christian, this desire hasn’t decreased at all – but my reasons for wanting to get out have changed, some of them, at least.  Before, I just wanted to return to my old, pre-prison life.  Over time, I began to pray for God to let me demonstrate my repentance, promising I would serve Him better if I were free, help those in need.  Those of us in prison who identify as Christian have probably all prayed and promised some variation of that.  Repeatedly.  It’s been about twelve years since I last did.

And God answered me!  Just not by granting my request.  Rather, God first answered with a question He wanted me to contemplate, and I could sense the question like a rock in my gut. “If you won’t serve me wholeheartedly now, in a place and situation with fewer temptations and distractions, what makes you think you’ll serve me when free, when inundated with many of the same choices and temptations that condemned you to begin with?”

My initial reaction was to argue that I had changed.  But had I, really?  Maybe I wasn’t selling drugs or using them, but I had no trouble with fighting if the situation arose.  I could also turn a blind eye to the needs of those around me.  And I had this attitude that because I was in prison, I could do whatever it took to survive, to do my time.  I realized I didn’t really stand for anything; rather, I was like a chameleon, adapting to my surroundings.

But in my heart, I wanted to be authentic, to be the same person God wanted me to be regardless of where I was living, regardless of being imprisoned or free.  I prayed, “God, how can I possibly serve you right here, on death row?”  All I heard was silence, as if my heart wasn’t quite ready for God’s response.  Nevertheless, my question seemed to hover before my eyes everywhere I went.

Then, one day, God suddenly broke into my thoughts.  I was in my cell working on an art project when I saw this vision of myself putting together a bag of commissary items and handing it to an elderly, less-fortunate prisoner.  He had a very abrasive personality (almost nobody liked him, including me), so I didn’t want to give him anything.  Further, he lived on another pod.

Attempting to set aside the man’s grumpiness and my personal dislike, I asked, Lord, how would I even get it to him?  You know the guards won’t just let me walk over there and pass it to him – it’s against the rules!”  In answer, God brought another scene to mind:  me walking toward my pod’s door, carrying the goodie bag. That was it.

I got the message, “Just do what I tell you to do.”

So, I headed toward my pod’s door, bag in hand.  As I approached, the pneumatic door hissed open.  Looking up at the control booth, I saw no guard.  And coming around the corner was the very person I was to give the bag to, hobbling along with his cane.  “Hey!” I exclaimed.  

The old man recoiled and screamed, “Hey!”  Then he eyed me warily.  I quickly stepped into the hall and thrust the bag into his free hand, saying, “Uh… God wanted you to have this…”  I felt weird saying it, though he seemed unfazed.  In fact, he brightened.

“Okay!  Thanks!  I gotta see the nurse,” and he shuffled off, rattling the bag as I stepped back into my pod.  I was a little stunned about how it’d all played out.

A guard appeared in the control station’s window ten feet in front of me and saw the open door.  She gestured angrily, as if I’d opened the pod door.  I shrugged at her and walked away, hearing the door hiss and bang shut behind me.

Now I understood.  I didn’t need to know how God would accomplish his goals.  To be of service is simple. I need only to maintain a humble, willing and obedient heart – and do what God tells me to do, when He tells me to do it, how He tells me to do it.  Period.  

Whether I’m in prison or out of it, if my heart’s in the right place, I am useful to God’s purposes.

Of course, I still want to get out of prison.  Only now, getting out isn’t a precondition God must meet in my life before I’ll serve Him.  

Amen. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.  George Wilkerson lives on Death Row in NC. I think that this piece, more than any other shared here, is the greatest reflection of the person I have come to know. George is an accomplished poet, writer and artist. He is the author of Interface and Bone Orchard, as well as co-author of Crimson Letters and Beneath Our Numbers. More of his work can be found at katbrodie.com/georgewilkerson/.

Mr. Wilkerson can be contacted at:
George T. Wilkerson #0900281
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131

He can also be contacted via textbehind.com

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Epitaph of a Wild Man

[As shared by Terry Robinson]

My father was a wild man who lived
with his feet off the ground
an eagle soaring on the wings of errant
pride
he was love on fire
scorching heart
beat on the move
swaying
to the groove of a
guitar and a mended spirit
a cue-pid ball gliding across the
evergreen way chasing all the pretty
numbers in the school yard
he was brick pile wild
the allure of promise
jive talk over corn stalks and
hawk bills in hip pockets
perched on high a rooftop throne of
rock tiles and sometimes regrets
the king of tickled bellies
shot gun shells and
shattered windows of
proven love crazy with that
“I wish you would…” courage
My daddy was cold Budweisers and
‘son, bet wiser
fitted caps and
waist tucked tees and
greeted death with a smile on his face
he was hard work
potential
and good old memories
and 2 o’clock gatherings over
hymns and hyperboles
the greatest dad ever
salute Wild Man Steve

“God called my daddy, Steve Robinson, home on November 6, but he left us with a lifetime of memories and three generations to carry on his name.
Hug your family while they’re still here.”

Steve Harris Robinson
July 27, 1948 – November 6, 2022

Terry Robinson he can be contacted at:
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131
OR
textbehind.com
OR
you can follow the writer, Terry ‘Duck’ Robinson, on Facebook, all messages left there will be forwarded to him.

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Who You Gonna Call?

I find it hard to express what solitary confinement is, knowing what I explain may be totally different from another’s experience.  There are situations in solitary confinement that are less harsh than other situations, where someone might have TV, an in-cell shower, better food, phone access and other means to communicate daily.  Here in Texas, we don’t have shit.

I cannot begin to fathom where I would be mentally if I didn’t have the luxury of having caring family and friends to support me through this quarter-of-a-century’s incarceration.  No doubt those who are committed to being in my life are the glue of stability for me, but even I know it takes me… more of me… to maintain sanity.  

I’m often conflicted on whether or not to explain to my family and friends, being honest and raw, my existing conditions – if I told the nuts and bolts operations of solitary confinement, would it be mentally constructive for either of us?  

Early on in my unjust prison term, not being home during traditional celebrations, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, would be an indescribable emotional pain.  I used to hold myself with my own arms at night to go to sleep, craving the human comfort of another.  

I’ve been stabbed by a deranged inmate while I was escorted to the shower by an officer.  I’ve had roaches and insects crawling in the ‘food’ officers pass out.  When I complain I am greeted with a ‘human-disconnect’ by officers who feel I should be grateful to be given anything.  I’ve had to do things on my own while handcuffed behind my back, like put on my shoes or grab things to get to the shower, as if Texas DR inmates are Superhuman Inmates.  I’ve had to deal with racism on all levels by officers and inmates.  Yearly, we are promised additional activities to our daily existence, yet all they do is continue to take and take things from us, adding nothing.  Psychological games from their playbook on how to mentally abuse us are implemented daily.  In the summer time the heaters have been switched on.  In the winter the A/C has been at full blast.  I recall one winter putting on every piece of clothing I had, including two pairs of socks on my hands, and socks and boots on my feet.  

Bad press, truthful or not, adds to the mental anxiety we go through when an appeal is denied.  We have to then explain the situation to our loved ones, that we have inched closer to an execution date.  It’s like being resurrected, only to be killed all over again.

Redundancy is a constant, and too much can be the asphalt one walks on into the realm of insanity.  For me, doing the same thing as a way of programming myself to stay busy is a necessity, not a madness.  But I still must be creative.  I have a make-shift basketball goal that is nothing more than a small brown bag with its bottom cut out and taped to the top of the cell’s door.  I then construct a faux-basketball out of a sheet of paper that I crumple up in a ball, then wet it, and leave it to dry for a day until it is hard.  I then get encased in my own personal metaverse where I am a college star adored by screaming fans, or I will imitate NBA athletes who play games on their way to a championship.  I can get lost in this act for hours, hours that I am not mentally aware of my cell’s surroundings.  The draconian reality is absent for a while.  

I suppose the most brutal and chaotic experience in solitary confinement on Texas Death Row is finding yourself sitting.  Watching the walls.  Pacing the floor back and forth, five steps forward, four steps back – for hours, unaware of time, as one tends to converse with themselves, trying to rationalize the isolation, worries and stress.  People advise me not to worry, “Worrying will only lead to stress, which you do not need.”  

What they don’t realize is that isolation is the creator of worry and stress.  How can it not be?  It’s unavoidable.  You realize that – there’s no one to call.  No one to share a laugh or tear with.  No one who can understand what, for me, is understood.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.  Charles “Chucky” Mamou is a long-time WITS writer, so I couldn’t be happier to say he came in third place in our most recent writing contest regarding solitary confinement. But there is more to his story.

Charles Mamou, Texas Death Row

Charles Mamou and his case inspired me, personally, to go back to school, become a private investigator and also pursue a degree in social work. What I learned from Charles Mamou, and what is abundantly clear and documented in his case – is that people can be sent to death row in cases where the prosecution does not share all of the relevant and available evidence with the defense.

For example, among a number of questionable actions taken in Mamou’s case, the prosecution was aware physical evidence was collected from the victim and the prosecution not only knew this, but had the evidence processed. Mamou had no idea that physical evidence existed and exists – until it was recently discovered. He should have been told that a quarter century ago. There are other issues as well. Phone records that were not shared with him. Those records contradict the testimony of key prosecution witnesses. Yet, Charles Mamou is waiting to be executed and out of appeals. You can read more about Mamou’s case and sign a letter requesting an investigation – please add your name to his petition.

Charles Mamou can be contacted at:
Charles Mamou #999333
Polunsky Unit 12-CD-53
3872 South FM 350
Livingston, TX 77351

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Entries From My Journal #4

Note: This is fourth in a series. We often see innocent individuals get out of prison after decades – but we can never fully appreciate what they go through. This is a small attempt to touch on the surface of what it is like to be innocent and on death row. How did Terry Robinson end up on death row? Two people physically connected to the crime scene accused Robinson of murder. That’s it. These entries are not edited, but shared in their original format.

February 3, 2015 (Tuesday, 11:14 pm)

I’m praying, God. I heard it said that you know our hearts. Don’t do me like everybody else has done.

Entries From My Journal #1

Entries From My Journal #2

Entries From My Journal #3


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.

Terry continues to work on his memoirs, as well as a book of fiction, and he can be contacted at:
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131
OR
textbehind.com

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Dance Muse

Over the 22 years I’ve been on Death Row, the days have become progressively more difficult.  The physical toll it exacts is unabating; the mental toll, too strenuous to bare.  Incarceration is like starting off every morning at the bottom and laboriously scaling up the ladder to morale.  Nobody wakes up in prison feeling good about themselves, and feeling worthy comes with effort.  For many, being incarcerated will be our greatest challenge in life, shaping us in the best or worst way.  It’s adversity come to declare war on our peace of mind and the price of defeat is our mental wellness.  It should come as no surprise, the drawbacks of this system that devalues human rights, which is why it takes a special kind of resilience to get through the day.

Over the years, I have relied on several mechanics to stave off the despondence of daily restrictions.  I’ve put in long hours at the poker table.  I’ve watched enough TV to go blind.  I’ve swapped war stories, read tons of books, and even meditated to fill the void.  I’ve sang and written and turned to prayer when singing and writing didn’t work.  But the one thing that has been a constant relief for me is dance.  Yep, you read that right… dance.  Dancing has gotten me through the toughest moments, not just on Death Row but throughout my life.

I came up in a time when family and friends frequently expressed their love for one another through dance.  Drunks slow grinding.  Church folks stomping.  And those non-dancing head boppers who just couldn’t help themselves.  I started dancing myself when I was around four, merely twisting and shaking to the music while the grown-ups chuckled and pitched me coins, showering me with a feeling of acceptance.  By thirteen, I was plagued with insecurities and too ashamed to dance.  I envied the other teens during Friday night dance battles at the community center as they performed, seemingly without fear or reservations.  Envy gave way to passion, and I began practicing dance in private, choreographing routines with the help of my kid sister.  Then one day I danced before a crowd, and all my insecurities slipped away.  I knew right then I would never stop dancing again.

I didn’t set out in life to be a great dancer, just one who wasn’t ashamed.  It didn’t seem right to quit doing something I loved for the sake of others’ opinions.  Too often we buy into the narrative of dance with words like rhythm, grace, and beauty.  Yet we lose sight of the most important attribute of dance – its potential for healing.  I dance whenever the C/O’s piss me off.  I dance when I’m locked in the cell.  I dance to prevent shit talking inmates from provoking me to fight.  I dance around the dayroom, the rec yard and throughout the hallways – wherever I’m in the mood; and what’s validating is when the other inmates not only encourage me – but are themselves inspired to dance.

Dancing isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, unless you’re a serious dancer.  It’s okay to clown around if it helps us to feel better about ourselves.  I, myself, am a fan of crumping, a dance style that consists of hard-hitting, chest popping versatility, except I’m forty-eight with bad knees, self-taught, and mediocre at best.  But do I let that stop me from reaching my happy place… hell no.  I man up and go for mine.  And when the dance ends and the euphoria fades away, I find that prison is a little more bearable.

Dance doesn’t belong to the rhythmic and the graceful – it’s a force that’s driven by emotions, the therapeutic resolve of our inner conflict when words otherwise fail.  Dance has been not only a confidence builder for me, but also my source of inspiration allowing me the spontaneity to express myself in a place where emotional expression is generally discouraged.  It is a spiritual catalyst that transcends incarceration and brings me closer to peace of mind, therefore I dance to get through the days in prison because dancing sets me free. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Terry Robinson writes under the pen name ‘Chanton’, is a member of the Board of Directors of WITS, and heads up a book club on NC’s Death Row. He has always maintained his innocence, and WITS will continue to share his story and his case.

Terry continues to work on his memoirs, as well as a book of fiction, and he can be contacted at:
Terry Robinson #0349019
Central Prison
P.O. Box 247
Phoenix, MD 21131
OR
textbehind.com

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